LOL…I'm So Mad I'm Quoting Puff Daddy??!!

There just isn’t any other way to put….my feelings were hurt! I hadn’t felt that way in a while…and we’re talking like years, since I felt like I was being made fun of or like I was stupid. Now rational logic told me that this was not about me, but it didn’t stop the reaction from rushing through my body. My ghetto alter ego was barely held at bay as I was tempted to respond “fuck off…you don’t know me!” Knowing better than to indulge in ugly language, I took a moment to distract myself with some uplifting music and didn’t respond until I was in a better place with a clearer head.

So…do you want to know what happened?

Well, one of my absolute favorite FB pages posted this….

 “”Soon to be an IFBB Pro” or something similar ……Many of us come across such words on here, Twitter and elsewhere. I saw it today on Twitter, it made me shake my head in amazement that someone can be so “me, me, me”. And of course it is usually stated by someone not even placing top 3 at Nationals.

……Show some humility, show some respect to your fellow competitors (some of whom have been competing for 5, 10 & even 20 years with the same goal). Do you think Michelle Brent, who got her pro card last year after competing for some 25+ years, is impressed with “Soon to be an IFBB Pro”? I think not.”

Whoa…whoa…whoa! “Show some respect”? Was that DISrespectful?

“Show some humility”? Was that really arrogant?

“…is she impressed”? Ummmm…..who’s trying to impress anyone? LOL…if you’ve seen a woman after a couple hours in the gym, training for a competition, “impressive” is the least of what she is at that moment!

Now mind you, neither my twitter nor my FB makes this statement. I do often talk about my goals and my current You Tube series is called “The Making of an IFBB Pro”. Again, I KNOW they were not specifically referring to me, but regardless of what I actually have posted in social media, this IS me. This took me back to almost every memory I have of my childhood, teenage years and even being in my 20’s when people (sometimes quietly behind my back, but often times to my face) snickered and laughed at the ambitious things I wanted for myself. Honestly, as I’m writing this, I have tears watering my eyes and I’m a little choked up remembering the feeling of not understanding what was so bad with what I would say. I remember wanting so desperately to be understood, but just never saying the right thing or quite belonging for some reason. Back then, I would smile and be unflinching in front of everyone, but inside my heart was hurting and slowly turning to stone. I knew that there was nothing wrong with how I felt.  And I knew there was nothing wrong with me saying it out loud.  However, I decided that I’ll just start to keep things to myself because I didn’t like the feeling of being made fun of. Well, I’m a grown ass woman now and I didn’t feel like keeping anything to myself. History has shown me that I make damn near everything I want for myself come true, so fortified with confidence and a relentless motivation, that I’ll never be able to explain, I wrote back!

“Normally I agree with you, but have to call BS on this one. What’s wrong with trying to speak something into existence? I’m less than 1 yr in and want to go pro…and let’s everyone know! LOL. I’ve been coached on the reality of this and appreciated every word (and likely hidden eye roll and smirk) of it. But I’m going to keep my goals and standards high, while welcoming any “reality checks” I may need. It’s not at all disrespectful to those who’ve been competing for years and would encourage your own reflection on this sensitivity to this issue. Ambition should not be frowned upon, but encouraged and supported by the vets who are paving the way for women like me who are JUST discovering how strong they are and can be. Not many women understand this lifestyle and we should invite as many wannabes as possible into the sisterhood ”

Yesterday at 12:06pm via mobile • Like • 18

I wrote this on my iphone, which isn’t great for writing, but I wasn’t going to be to a computer for hours and I wanted to be heard….at THAT moment. I tried to keep it as classy (vs. klassy) as possible, but it was hard to get out. I went into a meeting that lasted two hours and when I checked my phone afterwards, I was absolutely SHOCKED that they responded directly to me! Lot’s of women posted comments, agreeing and disagreeing with their post….why did they respond to me? I’ll never know for sure, but I believe it’s because there is absolute truth to my comment and it touched a nerve. Here’s what they said….

“I am just keeping it real. Trust me, people in this industry think such people that I described above are a joke. …..Goals of turning pro of course are quite normal, nearly everyone who competes at the National level hopes to be awarded someday with a pro card, but adding “future IFBB pro” for example to your Facebook title is ridiculous.”

Now, the crazy part is that I DO trust this page. They are my “go to” when I’m looking for truth and objectivity about this industry. But for some reason, I just  can’t give them this point. I was a little mollified by the number of people who “liked” my comment, but still had a little temper inside. Not to mention I CAN’T STAND when people claim they are “keeping it real”. I find that this is often an attempted cover for just being rude and insensitive to other people’s feelings.

Am I overly sensitive? Yes. But dammit, I’m tired of being made fun of and made to feel like I’m silly. I know….I know….this wasn’t about ME, per se. But it doesn’t matter. Whether the person, who this WAS written about, knows it or not, I am her sister in the struggle to be understood. A sister in having the courage to set a high standard for yourself and then the outright fearlessness to say it out loud. Dammit…I’m crying again!

My belief is that most people want an amazing and above average life for themselves. Whether it’s singing into your hair brush in the bathroom mirror imagining you’re performing at the Super Bowl half-time show, pretending that some random figurine in your living room is an Oscar and giving your thank you speech, or imagining all the fancy stuff you’ll buy if you win the lotto, we ALL want something exceptional. What’s wrong with saying so?

Well, let me take that back….it’s ok if children say it, but not adults. So, while we praise, promote and beam with pride as our babies make outlandish statements about wanting to grow up and be a Princess, President of the United States, a Doctor or Lawyer, we unabashedly sneer at similarly ambitious adults. Is it because we know that kids are speaking from a place of genuine ignorance and adults know that the likelihood of anything they say coming true is slim to none?  Therefore, we are comfortable in our grand wisdom? But when an adult, who is well aware of the slim chances, the potential pit falls and improbability STILL can come forward with their ambitious dreams, it makes the others uncomfortable with their lack of…..I don’t know, you fill in the blank.

I mean…who knows. Maybe in all actuality this person is setting on their derriere eating bon bon’s and doritos all day and it IS laughable that they want to be a pro in a bodybuilding league. But, did they ask you? Why is offering your negative unsolicited opinion any more legitimate than their statement about becoming an IFBB pro? For that matter, why is my unsolicited opinion matter? Well, it might not matter to anyone….LOL, and I’ll have to live with that. However, I feel compelled to call out bully-like behavior when I see it and uplift some who is unnecessarily being put down. The page that posted this could have marched right along having never said anything to condemn this individual’s statement and been just fine. Who knows what affect this negativity that, not only they brought forward, but the sustained by comments of several followers, may do to the motivation that person had. I am optimistic that they if they are strong enough to post that statement and want to go pro that they are strong enough to stick with it, but they really shouldn’t be tested by a FB page. As I said in my comment back to the page, what we female bodybuilders deal with on a day to day basis is hard enough. And while someone might be new and naïve about the industry, why believe it is your job to “keep it real” by tearing them down? If you are asked for your opinion or see them unknowingly hurting themselves, yes, step in and put your vet status to good use. Otherwise don’t try to make them jaded. We belong to a very niche group of women who should be nothing but supportive and understanding.

So, to the person who calls themselves a “future IFBB Pro” and any other person over the age of 14 who wants to be an Astronaut, a Magician or the CEO of a spit ball factory, don’t let the uneasiness others have with themselves interrupt your dreams. Be brazen, be bold, be fearless in your goals dammit! Be proud of yourself for saying what so many others are afraid to say. I’m marching right along here with you and will see you on the national stage one day! Dammit…we’re going PRO!  LOL…and I WILL stop crying! 🙂

NaFiMo

Come on….sing it with me…..
“Can’t nobody take my pride. Can’t nobody hold me down.. Oh no! I got to keep on movin’”

puff

5 Responses

  1. musclemom907 says:

    It was very discerning to me! Im tired of reading about “metabolic damage”! Listen, if you want to eat crap food after your competition and not take the right post comp approach, your body is going to give you crap back! Simple! He should just stick to promoting positive and stop PMSing! You are so inspiring Cassandra. LETS BE PROUD OF OUR GOAL TO GET OUR PRO CARDS! I AM WITH YA GIRL!

  2. Absolutely! I think people should be proud of the rewards of hard work and dedication. There is always “unfollow” if it someone doesn’t like it. Geez.

  3. Depending on the day and the audience, women aren’t allowed to do, be, say, feel, or think anything and be accepted. And in my opinion, if you’re a minority, you’re doubly-screwed. Didn’t you know women aren’t allowed to believe in themselves and oh Hell no you’re not allowed to project your dreams into existence. The culture of misogyny combined with women as competitive/jealous/mean negative nellys is unfortunately everywhere and sports in general is no exception.

    Ignore the haters, toot that horn and go after those dreams. It may never shut up the haters, but it’ll kick them out of your head that’s for damn sure. You rock.

  4. I really LOVE this part of your reply. You are so right and there is nothing wrong with beliving in yourself!! “Ambition should not be frowned upon, but encouraged and supported by the vets who are paving the way for women like me who are JUST discovering how strong they are and can be. Not many women understand this lifestyle and we should invite as many wannabes as possible into the sisterhood “

  5. Cool article, It was practical.

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