Pssst, I’m Black…..but I Want Bigger Boobs!

Yes, I know you’re wondering what in the world is this title? Well, it is meant to be provocative. I promise by the end of this, it will all make sense. Forewarning….this post isn’t going to be relatable to everyone. But I can’t stop thinking about is and need to get it out.

So, I’m about 5 weeks out from Governor’s Cup and time is going to fly by from here on out. All the important decisions and last minute details are being planned right now. From suit selection to extra bling and makeup, there is a lot that goes into going on stage. Which leads me to what I am struggling with now…..hair. In recent weeks, I’ve been advised to go for a different look…..i.e. straighten my hair. While I wanted to immediately reject the notion, the comments came from respected industry vets, whose opinions I value. Basically, the curly fro just isn’t the appropriate look for the stage and is “distracting”. While I respectfully take it all in, I’m laughing to myself in my head and trying not to smile. I wanted to lean over and cup my hand around their ear and whisper, “Psssst! I’m Black”. Ummm yeah…..this is what Black women’s hair looks like. I mean, to give them the benefit of the doubt, some people just may not know. Most popular images you see of Black women include long flowing, silky, straight hair. I won’t go as far as to say ALL are fake, but for the most part…we’re talking like 99%…the texture is either chemically treated or bought in a plastic bag, ironically advertised as “natural” hair!

Now, this isn’t vanity……. it’s not like I’ve got exceptionally great hair or anything. It’s about how I identify with myself and presenting the best me possible. I won’t go into the whole history of Black women and the pressures we’ve faced to straighten our hair. Usually using harmful and damaging chemicals that help the hair “relax” and achieve that straight look. But, it is a really BIG deal in the Black community from a very young age. To deviate from it is an even bigger deal, sometimes met with controversy, ridicule and mockery…..from other Black people! But for the women, like me, who do it, it becomes a badge of pride for embracing our God given natural beauty. LOL… I mean, after all, this IS what Black women’s hair looks like! And actually, I should invite the all the curly girls, from various nationalities, to commiserate with me because they face the same pressure to straighten their hair too. Why are we curly girls being discriminated against? What’s wrong with curly hair?

 Most curly’s understand that it can take a while to get to this place of self-love and appreciation for how God made us. And I can’t say it enough….it’s the way I was born! LOL….dammit, I feel like renting a billboard or blimp to let people know…..THIS is what Black women’s hair looks like! We do not have naturaly silky straight hair. It’s like telling a beautiful Irish woman to cover her freckles, a Native American to wear blue contacts, or an Asian American to be blond. It’s just not natural….almost insulting….and if we’re being honest, kind of looks out of place when you see it.

But, here’ s the problem…..I want bigger boobs! Yep, ginormous, guzungas… porn-star like implants to rock this body! LOL….just kidding. Well, about the size, I mean. I DO want implants, but a tasteful size. Is there such a thing as classy implants? Well, if so, that’s what I want! God willing, this time next year, I will be rocking a solid “C” cup. But, I’ve ALWAYS wanted bigger boobs. Come on…you know you did too! We all, at some point, stuffed our bra’s with socks, toilet paper, paper towels and more. It’s just that some of YOU grew breasts. Others, like myself, evolved into cotton push up bra’s, water bra’s, gel bra’s, those chicken cutlet inserts, boob growth pills, etc. I never tried that vacuum bra thing, because it looked too painful, but you bet your breasts I was curious! And after exhausting all those efforts, breast feeding two kids and getting down to 9% body fat, I’ve arrived at the peaceful decision that I’m ready for the big leagues. Give me the silicone!!!!! I know….I know….breast implants? Those aren’t natural! God did not give me a “C” cup….at least not without the extra 20lbs in weight gain I would need, for me to achieve that size breasts! I know….I know….! This is sooooooo contradictory! Do you see my struggle? What is a Black, proudly natural, wanna be figure pro with small boobs to do?!

The fact is, that the industry is all smoke and mirrors. I mean, let’s go ahead and call it all out, ok? The tanning covers skin imperfections and helps define lean muscle. The 5 inch clear stiletto heels make your legs look longer. The very specific cut and placement of the suit on your body create an illusion with your shape. The MAC, drag queen make up, enhances (LOL…or conceals) your features so you don’t look washed out under the lights. And this is all on stage. I haven’t mentioned the food, water, supplement and training manipulation that goes on in the months prior to get your body in competition shape! So, when I really look at it, I have to wonder what I’m complaining about? And let us not forget that everyone does it! From the born-to-be-a-star Beyonce , the one and only Oprah, the infamous Honey Boo Boo and even your homegirl Sally from around the block, who have natural hair underneath the glamorous locks they present for the public. I could just create my own version of “Sasha Fierce” and have an alter ego for the stage. Sometimes it sounds fun, other times it feels like a hassle. For some reason, I struggle with this. I didn’t question any other aspect of reading myself for competition until this.

Maybe it’s me, just being stubborn me. I’ve never fit into the crowd and quite frankly feel kind of uncomfortable when I do. No disrespect to anyone else and the decisions they’ve made for themselves, but I don’t want to fit in. When I started on this journey, I lived in Google search looking for women who looked me in pictures and I didn’t find her. And call me audacious or just plain crazy, but I think there is a place for me and the way I look naturally, in this business. And if not me, then hopefully the next equally ambitious natural who will have an easier time because I’m getting the judges used to how Black women look! LOL……

When I sit and really think about it…the big boobs are for me (and my husband, even though he says he doesn’t want me to get them, but you know he’ll end up loving them), but if I change my hair that’s for someone else. Herein lays the problem. Sigh….

Honestly, I’m happy with my decision (at this moment), but my only concern is that this will somehow imply that I’m not serious about this business.   This appears to be a widely undersood step to going pro and being taken seriously. Well if this keeps me from being pro….it would be unfortunate, but then that just means I’m meant for something else. I’m happy being the woman who lives a healthy and fit lifestyle with my family, while enjoying running a Facebook page to help other women achieve the same thing. And if that’s all I achieve….I still will consider myself blessed…..with bigger boobs.

NaFiMo

One of the best days of my life, April 23 2009!  When I chopped off all my hair and became me….natural……free!